Glossary of Terms And Strategies For Conversations Between School Staff And Parents

Here is a glossary of terms, strategies and techniques relevant to holding constructive conversations between school staff and parents. (more terms coming)

Abusive Parent: We define abuse in a specific way. If the behavior, either by intent or not, involves insults, personal attacks, extended argument, and, bottom line, does not take into account your needs and welfare, we call that abusive. It's different from being angry, since the behaviors show no regard for the other person. Note that there is subjectivity involved here since what's abusive to one person/teacher may not be to another.

Angry Parent: Seems odd to have to define this, but in fact it's important to distinguish between an angry parent, and an abusive one. You handle them differently. An angry parent is one who is upset and in a state of high emotional arousal, as psychologists say, but his or her behavior is not demeaning, insulting or aggressive in the sense he or she means to cause you harm, either emotional or physical. (see abusive parent)

Argument: An argument is different from a disagreement in the sense that it is far more emotional, and usually involves two people trying to WIN the other one over. Arguments usually end up as destructive conversations, due to the emotional attachments (also see disagreement).

Bait: In Chapter IV - The Nature of Angry, Hostile and Abusive Behavior, we talk about the importance of "not taking the bait". Bait is actually what it sounds like, as is the case in fishing. Parents will often make comments, negative ones that do not have direct relevance to the welfare of the child. For example, a parent might offer his opinion that teaching is an easy profession because there's so much time off. That's bait. If you, as a teacher respond directly to the bait you get hooked into an argument that nobody can win, and worse, is completely irrelevant to the welfare of the child. For that reason, we suggest you learn not to take this kind of "bait" because it involves giving up control of the conversation.

Disagreement: A disagreement occurs when two people differ in opinion on a subject. While arguments tend to create a lot of heat, but little light, a properly conducted disagreement can surface things for a teacher that can help him or her teach a particular child. That's because parents have information the teacher does not that may be relevant to improving his or her education, provided the teacher stays focused, and does not get pulled into an emotional argument.

Triggers - Emotional: We all have our hot buttons. It's like we react negatively to specific cues or behaviors -- a tone of voice, a particular swear word. When triggered we respond quickly and without reflection, and usually those reactions make things worse, which is why, in Chapter 5, on self-control, we provide some hands on techniques to identify your triggers, so you won't end up losing control of the parent-teacher interaction.